Hogwarts and Recreation
by emily.down
Summary: Inspired by Parks and Recreation, the brilliant show, the Hogwarts years of Rose Weasley, Hufflepuff extraordinaire and -of course- the annoyance of Scorpius Malfoy.


**101 **

Rose Weasley is riding in the car with her mum, dad and brother, Hugo. They're driving towards the station, so Rose and Hugo can board the Hogwarts train.

Hermione is currently driving the car, because Ron burnt his hand that morning by trying to hold a pan of omelettes and a mug of boiling coffee in one hand.

Now Ron is trying to prove to his wife that he can drive by air-guitaring really fast.

'See how fast these babies can go? And I don't feel any pain. So please just let me drive,' he whines.

'Ron, we're already two minutes away from the station. Why don't you give it a rest?' she asks annoyed.

'I'm not going to give it a rest until you admit that the fridge fell on my hands on purpose.'

Hugo turns towards the camera and sighs.

'It's the fifth time today that mom's emasculated dad. It's not even past nine,' he says.

Camera focuses on Rose as she gets out of the car and straightens her outfit.

'So, it's a brand new year at Hogwarts and I am pretty excited,' she says smiling into the camera. 'I am completely prepared to start my Fourth Year. Just as prepared as last year. And the year before. And before that. But not as excited as I am now.'

Her parents start walking briskly towards platform 9 and ¾.

She rushes after them still talking to the camera.

'I think this year will really be on the edge,' she says, panting. 'Maybe I'll break curfew hours and stay over nine thirty. That would be _wild_.'

They arrive at the magical barrier and quickly cross through.

The train is already waiting in the station. Dozens of children and teenagers are waiting to get on the train, their parents tagging behind them.

Camera focuses on Hermione.

'We're the first ones here of our group which is a good thing. Shows we're always punctual. I also see new faces this year. And old faces. Oh, look it's Hannah Longbottom, Hi!' she calls, waving at her.

The woman in question turns, stares at her indifferently and moves on.

'Oh, well, I guess I confused her with some other Hannah,' Hermione muttered.

'Or maybe she's not happy in her marriage,' she adds, smiling slightly.

Suddenly, she realizes what she said and her face falls.

'Not that I'd want that for her. But it just seems like a plausible explanation why she wouldn't answer to her name.'

Camera focuses on Rose again who is sitting in front of the train, taking pictures.

'It's a timely tradition in our family, well actually it's my tradition, to take photos of the train each and every year. That way I can look back on the first day and see how much my train grew,' she says, smiling awkwardly.

Hugo rolls his eyes as the camera focuses on him.

'Rose is like this baby seal – she has no spine.' Stares pensively at the ground.

'And no brain, yeah,' he adds, 'I should have said that first.'

Rose giggles in the background as she looks over her photos. Hugo sighs and makes a shooting sign to his head.

'Come on, Hugo, family photo!' Rose yelps. Hugo quickly jumps on the train, with his trunk in one hand.

'Hugo! You're going to miss it!' Rose yelled at him. He waves at her annoyed and enters a train compartment.

Camera focuses on Rose.

'Hugo is not big on family. He once told his friends his family had died in a fire. I think it was on a dare. I mean he would never say that in real life,' she says, laughing awkwardly.

Back in the train compartment where Hugo is…

'So, still haven't found your real parents?' a boy asks him.

'Nope, I still got to tag along with the Weasleys.'

Rose finally hops on the train after taking five photos. She tries to find an empty compartment, or a familiar face.

Camera focuses on her again as she shifts through the crowd.

'I am in Hufflepuff which is the most amazing house on the planet. I am not joking. We are so awesome that if angels and cookies could procreate, their child would probably be Hufflepuff, I mean the Hufflepuff House. We have the best trait any House could have; loyalty. I know that my fellow Hufflepuff would risk a lot just to help me out. I mean, they wouldn't risk their lives or anything, but they would sacrifice a hand, or a couple of fingers, just because we are _loyal_. '

Pause.

'And I would risk my life.'

A boy shoves her in a compartment accidentally.

'Damn these Slytherins,' she says laughing awkwardly again. 'Always punching people where they shouldn't.'

Pause.

'Not that he punched me somewhere, I just meant the train. Cuz he punched me in the train. So it's a wrong place for violence.'

The compartment door she had just bumped into opens, revealing a young girl and two boys. She is blowing out bubble gum balloons and has a bored expression on her face.

'Hey, look guys, it's Rose, yey,' she says in a deadpan voice, clapping her hands. The boys nod at her and continue reading their magazines.

'Victoire, Teddy, Angus!' Rose yelps going over to hug them. 'How are my Hufflepuff mates doing this lovely autumn? Is everyone ready to kick some ass?'

Camera focuses on Victoire.

'I don't know how I got into Hufflepuff. I'm part Veela. I should be married to a rich Lord who could buy me Hogwarts and turn it into my own personal party house. This is _really_ embarrassing for me.'

Rose tries to push her trunk into the luggage seat, but almost dumps it into Angus' head.

'Oy, watch it dunderhead!'

'Oy, you watch it…you little chickenhead!' Rose replies, laughing happily. They all stare at her in silence.

'Get it, cuz you're a chicken,' she says, managing to put her trunk up.

She jumps on the seat next to Teddy.

'So…what's cracking guys? What did you do over the summer?' she asked.

'I went to see my grandparents in France and sunbathed naked on the Riviera,' Victoire replies, inspecting her nails. 'I could tell you what happened afterwards, but I think you can put your imagination to work.'

Rose smiles reluctantly. Camera focuses on her.

'Victoire is two years older than me and therefore treats me like a baby. It's like I don't know what Riviera _actually_ means,' she says, smiling suggestively.

'Oh, that's... lovely, Vicky, lovely and how about you Teddybear?'

'I don't like being called like that Rose,' he says annoyed.

'Sure you do, everyone calls you Teddybear.'

'Nope, no one does, but you.'

'Oh come on. If I call out Teddy, no one's going to know who I'm talking about.'

'You'd be surprised.'

'So you want me to call you something else? Alright, but Teddybear was easy and inoffensive. I could call you Teddyrat but it doesn't have the same ring to it and…'

'I had a great time on my holidays, thanks for asking Rose,' he cut her short.

'And what did you do in particular?'

Pause.

'It involved internet and napkins,' he says, shrugging his shoulders.

Rose falls into deep thought.

'Internet and napkins…internet and napkins…this is a riddle that's new to me.'

Victoire raises an eyebrow.

'Rose, what are you doing?'

'Shush, trying to guess the riddle.'

Angus starts sniggering.

'Oh oh! I know! You were watching sad movies online and you had to bring a napkin to dry your tears,' she says. 'Or maybe you were watching a happy one and those were tears of happiness. Or maybe you were drinking something while watching really sad or really happy movies and you spilt something on you.'

'Yeah, there was definitely spilling involved,' Teddy agreed.

'So what about you Angus?' Rose asks eagerly.

'Oh, not much, discovered I might be gay over the summer. Yeah had a freaky affair with this waiter. No judgement guys.'

Rose smiles awkwardly into the camera.

'Fourth Year at Hogwarts, here we come!'


End file.
